Butt First…starting ass-backwards
Saturday, February 23, 2008
By the time you reach middle-age, firsts are something that tend to rank last---in your memory anyway. Mostly because you forget so many of them: your first steps, the first words you uttered, the first time you used a toilet, or wrote your name, maybe even your first orgasm. So, as I sit to write this---my first blog entry---it was only moments ago that the discovery of another first chased away the fear of this very-public first.
Because the aforementioned firsts typically leave some sort of mark, they tend to drag with them the inevitable: growth.
And along with said growth, one hopes that there is an acquisition of things like, say, knowledge or financial gain. Perhaps improved relationship skills or something less lofty like a coveted car. But never things like earlobe hair, back hair or the most recent addition to my person: ass hair.
BACKSTORY----
With each year of my life that’s come and gone---effortlessly transporting me into middle-age---I’ve become very acquainted with the negative characteristics of maturing. Like forgetting things.
And throughout my journey, I’ve always cheerfully embraced my hairless body---even my bald head---touting the enhanced sheen of my smooth physique. But in recent years, much to my dismay, a new crop of follicles has forged forward, aggressively embarking on unforeseen areas of my body and marking the landscape with unruly hair.
The commencement quietly began with a patch of course strands that appeared one day, fashioning a vine-like ladder from my bald head, which strand by strand, began to make its way down my back. In conjunction, from another zone, hair started to scale my upper arms---both choosing to unite and settle comfortably on various regions of my ears.
I endured this unfortunate succession of events and took it on the back like a man.
Thus, along with the upkeep of my shiny dome and already-unruly eyebrows, I added these new areas to my manly-middle-aged maintenance. A snip here, a pluck there, and I still (at lease) appeared to don a hairless habitat.
Here, I should also note that I’m not opposed to hair on say, your chest---the one place still dormant, lest you include the same seventeen hairs that I’ve had since sixth grade; framing each of my nipples like a ravaged Christmas wreath. And were you to pole most men---especially gay men---I suspect (bears aside) that most find back or ear hair both annoying and repulsive.
So to my horror, on one the most beautiful and relaxing Saturday afternoons, instead of writing this initial blog like I’d planned, (performance anxiety) I lay sprawled across my bed reading a book. The sliding glass doors in my bedroom were opened to capacity, letting the southern-California sun beam into the room, baking my naked body. At the close of a chapter, while reaching over to drain the wine glass on the bedside table, I was faced with a butt-awful reality. Without even noticing, I’d suddenly acquired another new first: a hairy ass!
Immediately abandoning my book, under closer inspection, the harsh glare of the mid-day sun revealed first on one cheek, and then the other, that my middle-aged ass was completely covered in fur---that was in various stages of not only length and density but color saturation. My ass, the only section of my body unmarked by hair, had (until now) been the last physical memento of my nubile youth.
Butt…after eventually succumbing to the hairy fact (my impersonation of a woman in a dressing room mirror trying on jeans), it got me thinking about the years that had passed as well as all of my firsts. And that, or should I say they, got my thoughts about firsts, ummm, growing in a different direction.
Armed with a different perspective, I decided to embrace upcoming firsts---like this blog---ass-backwards.
GROWING FORWARD---
Admittedly, I shall miss my smooth butt. But the way I see it now, my hairy ass is another reminder that, although I can’t remember all of my firsts, or that new ones (like this blog page) can sometimes be scary, having firsts (and actually remembering them) can also be reminders of ones…ummm…growth.
Growth…it’s a funny thing! Sometimes it can be smooth, welcoming and easy, and sometimes it can be hairy, tumultuous and scary. Butt….either way, usually it just sneaks up on you from…ummmm…behind!
Maybe all of this just sounds like I’m talking out of my ass. And maybe I am. Either way---whatever direction this blog grows---I hope you’ll keep reading…..even through the “hairy” situations. There could be more.
Butt…what do I know?
More
Because the aforementioned firsts typically leave some sort of mark, they tend to drag with them the inevitable: growth.
And along with said growth, one hopes that there is an acquisition of things like, say, knowledge or financial gain. Perhaps improved relationship skills or something less lofty like a coveted car. But never things like earlobe hair, back hair or the most recent addition to my person: ass hair.
BACKSTORY----
With each year of my life that’s come and gone---effortlessly transporting me into middle-age---I’ve become very acquainted with the negative characteristics of maturing. Like forgetting things.
And throughout my journey, I’ve always cheerfully embraced my hairless body---even my bald head---touting the enhanced sheen of my smooth physique. But in recent years, much to my dismay, a new crop of follicles has forged forward, aggressively embarking on unforeseen areas of my body and marking the landscape with unruly hair.
The commencement quietly began with a patch of course strands that appeared one day, fashioning a vine-like ladder from my bald head, which strand by strand, began to make its way down my back. In conjunction, from another zone, hair started to scale my upper arms---both choosing to unite and settle comfortably on various regions of my ears.
I endured this unfortunate succession of events and took it on the back like a man.
Thus, along with the upkeep of my shiny dome and already-unruly eyebrows, I added these new areas to my manly-middle-aged maintenance. A snip here, a pluck there, and I still (at lease) appeared to don a hairless habitat.
Here, I should also note that I’m not opposed to hair on say, your chest---the one place still dormant, lest you include the same seventeen hairs that I’ve had since sixth grade; framing each of my nipples like a ravaged Christmas wreath. And were you to pole most men---especially gay men---I suspect (bears aside) that most find back or ear hair both annoying and repulsive.
So to my horror, on one the most beautiful and relaxing Saturday afternoons, instead of writing this initial blog like I’d planned, (performance anxiety) I lay sprawled across my bed reading a book. The sliding glass doors in my bedroom were opened to capacity, letting the southern-California sun beam into the room, baking my naked body. At the close of a chapter, while reaching over to drain the wine glass on the bedside table, I was faced with a butt-awful reality. Without even noticing, I’d suddenly acquired another new first: a hairy ass!
Immediately abandoning my book, under closer inspection, the harsh glare of the mid-day sun revealed first on one cheek, and then the other, that my middle-aged ass was completely covered in fur---that was in various stages of not only length and density but color saturation. My ass, the only section of my body unmarked by hair, had (until now) been the last physical memento of my nubile youth.
Butt…after eventually succumbing to the hairy fact (my impersonation of a woman in a dressing room mirror trying on jeans), it got me thinking about the years that had passed as well as all of my firsts. And that, or should I say they, got my thoughts about firsts, ummm, growing in a different direction.
Armed with a different perspective, I decided to embrace upcoming firsts---like this blog---ass-backwards.
GROWING FORWARD---
Admittedly, I shall miss my smooth butt. But the way I see it now, my hairy ass is another reminder that, although I can’t remember all of my firsts, or that new ones (like this blog page) can sometimes be scary, having firsts (and actually remembering them) can also be reminders of ones…ummm…growth.
Growth…it’s a funny thing! Sometimes it can be smooth, welcoming and easy, and sometimes it can be hairy, tumultuous and scary. Butt….either way, usually it just sneaks up on you from…ummmm…behind!
Maybe all of this just sounds like I’m talking out of my ass. And maybe I am. Either way---whatever direction this blog grows---I hope you’ll keep reading…..even through the “hairy” situations. There could be more.
Butt…what do I know?